Things that been going through my mind lately

You know there have been things that have been recurring thoughts in my mind.

 I have enjoyed doing this blog but you don’t know if anyone really reads it unlike something like YouTube that shows views and stuff that so you know that someone has seen it.

I seem cursed with the stand on the outside looking in syndrome.  What I mean is that even among people I like and am friends with there are times I feel on the outside or left out.  It is not their fault and I do not think it is on purpose it just happens.  I at times envy how close some people are when they talk about how the always do this or that do together and I just think why I can’t have someone who is like that with me, but I know not much happens to me and I am probably boring to talk with.  I guess I long for someone who feels close enough that they can tell me anything things they wouldn’t tell everyone and trust that I won’t go blabbing.  

Privet messaging can be a blessing and a curse.  It is a blessing in that you can talk to someone without it in main chat. It can be a curse when you feel that people are talking in PM and you wonder what are they talking about, why can’t it be in main chat, and what do they not want me to hear or be a part of.

Anywho these are just a few things going through my brain.

Coming out and my Mother

You know I always hope that one day I could be out to everyone even my family.  I am basically out to friends and some even at church.  When it comes to seeing how my family would act I get mixed results.  I use things like how they react when they see someone who is gay on TV or a movie (the actor and/or character).  When a news report on things like gay rights stuff.  I know my mother would not react well.  Today for example, we were watching the news and they did a story about the upcoming vote in North Carolina about the marriage ban in North Carolina.  My Mother’s reaction was it is wrong that she had it marked in her bible where she claims it says it is wrong. For more information on what the Bible says see my previous post on the subject. The Bible, Christianity, & Homosexuality.  My brother he sends very mixed signals.  In one breath, he will tell a story about how he knew a gay guy where he use to work.  Then go in to say he told him as long you keep his gay stuff to himself that they would have no problems.  In the next breath, he will see actor Patrick Stewart that played Captain Jean-Luc Picard on Star trek the next generation and use words like faggot and such then commenting how he was not right for the role. I am really not sure how my Dad would react.  My relationship with my Dad is ... well let us just say we never have had much interaction with each other.  That was mainly do to the fact that my Dad is an alcoholic.  Growing up he wasn't home much.  He would leave early in the morning then sometimes he come home for supper but mostly he say he be home and not show till very late because he was at the Shrine club's bar drinking.  In more recent years he and my mother have be "separated" with him basically living at his office. So I have no idea what his reaction would be.  Needless to say I can not just tell one cause it  would get around sooner or later and with me living right now and now way to get away from any Negativity I am better off them not knowing.

The Superpoints Network

 The Superpoints Network is a collection of sites where you can win and earn Superpoints™ that can be redeemed for great rewards. You can use the Superpoints Network with confidence. They're accredited by the Better Business Bureau and Truste, and many of their advertisers are brands you know and trust like The Gap, Target, and Macy's. I currently have three invites available so first come first serve but if they been used just send a message or comment and I will see about sending you one.
Invite 1
Invite 2
Invite 3

my book/story

Writing is not easy.  Well it can be but I am fighting it.  You see I am stuck on chapter 4, well what I call chapter 4 on the assumption each chapter must have at least 2,000 words, anyway the characters are going one way and I don’t want it to, but in the end the characters will win because it is their story.  I will just have to find a way to deal and write it as it happened. 

Before you say it they exist only in my head and not based on actual events any similarity is just a

coincidence . 

Monogamy VS Open Relationships

Saw this vid and thought it would make a good blog topic.  I am on the monogamy side.  I wouldn’t be able to take seeing him be affectionate with another guy in the same way he is with me.  It may sound strange but even after the relationship is over even if I was hurt when it ended, I can’t seem to handle seeing them with someone else it still affects me.  I think it is because when I give my heart away a small piece remains and I still care.

Has Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream been realized?

I do not think his dream will be until we live in a nation where people are not be judged by their race, gender, nationality, creed or their sexual orientation but by the content of their character.

Lately I have been toying with posting the second chapter of the story I am working on.  The reason is that the first chapter that I posted was sex heavy and while sex is in the story, it not centered on it.  The story is centered on the relationship of the two guys and what happens to them during the story.

had a dream last nite

Dreams do not always stick with me.  I had one this morning that did.  I dreamed that somehow my mom found out that I was gay.  She was holding me close to her.  There was a guy there that I knew and had a crush on in High School.  I don’t know why but my mother kept telling him to get away.  The guy wouldn’t go and it was like he was sorry about something.  I think he wanted to be with me because I remember we were talking and I was unsure about his sincerity.  I needed reassurance that he was not tricking me.  What happened after that I do not know because I woke up.   

Friday 13th

There is one date that brings up a wide range of things to people’s minds.  Friday the 13th means bad luck, some good luck, and others a horror series of movies that is called Friday 13th centering around Jason Voorhees that goes around killing and is near impossible to stop.

Origins of Friday the 13th fears
To me Friday the 13th is just like any other Friday.

here some clips from the horror movie series

Never let others use your credit

A couple years ago I let my brother use my credit account with Dell so he could get a computer with him promising to pay it off as quick as he can but he either paid the bare minimum or nothing and rarely a little over minimum causing the interest to go up and making it harder to pay off basically what he owes write now you could buy a brand new computer.  He acts like it is no big deal missing payments for him that may be true because it is not his credit that is being affected.  Plus I am the one they call and yell at and with me out of work; money is more precious to me.  I just don't know what to do it all just weighs so heavy on me makes me want to just give up on everything cause there is no point going on.

Song thats was number one in the US on the day I was born

You can find yurs using one of these sites

Birthday No #1 - This Day In Music

#1 Song on This Date in History

And today was going so well

Today was being a nice day untill a few moments ago when my laptop got knocked over and this occurred

Now the only way I can do what I am right now is have my laptop hooked up to my TV which means if I am watching tv or playing a game on my PS3 I can't use my computer which I will hate and I don't have the money to get my laptop fixed or replaced because the cost is probably near about the same.

Restoring stuff

Been watching American Restorations on the History Channel and it so  cool seeing them making old things look new and it made me think about a trunk I have that that I always wanted to get fixed up if I ever had the money and someone who could do it.  I love this trunk no clue how old  it is.  It look so awesome all fixed up.

The What is your size question

On-line why would someone want or need to know a guy's size (meaning cock size) most likely they won’t be seeing anything so why even ask such an unimportant question like that.  Size really doesn't matter it is the guy it is attached to.  I know in porn  we all like to see a guy that has a big cock and all but unless you are just going out to get laid and then it is just about the sex. Cock size is not as important as society would have everyone believe at least in my opinion when you are looking for a significant other a life partner.

I think asking a guy their size is insulting unless you’re in a porn chat room and you’re asking the model otherwise there is no reason to ask and no reason anyone needs to know.


This is the vid that sparked this post because he asks for questions but no dumb ones like the "What is your size?" question

Happy New Year

Happy New Year Yall here is Lady Gaga's at New Year's Rockin Eve 2011 at Times Square