Strange headspace

I am here in bed contemplating which can be dangerous. You think I am joking but I am serious I can be harsh on myself at times. I have really been in the weird headspace lately were I don't feel like reaching out to others even though it do me a world of good. Tonight as I lay here in bed I think how it seems like I am everyones last resort person. You know the person people go to when no one else is available and if someone else became available they drop you quicker than a speeding bullet replace you with a more preferred choice. I seem to be everyone's last resort no matter it be friends or even family. I become their favorite person until whoever they are on the outs with comes back around then I get balled up and thrown into the trash can until the cycle repeats.